Writing again

I've recently started to write for a local newspaper: The Chautauqua, a local paper that covers the communities around our part of Alberta.  It's mine own little column so I get to write from my own thoughts, experiences and adventures...  the focus on local food: growing, eating and points in between.  Below is the first article I submitted, as a way of introducing myself as I am quite new to the area:

Adventures in Local Fo-o-od

I grew up on a farm north of Coronation, but as the youngest of 8 children – I got away with doing the least amount of farm work as possible and as soon as I could, I set out to explore other pastures. After 10 years of working abroad, living the typical urban life – I was greeted with scepticism and surprise when I told family and friends that I planned to move back to rural Alberta.

The 'plan' is working out better than I could have imagined: in October 2011 I married Vance Barritt and we are now residing on his mom's farm, east of Alix. We are the proud owners of a small herd of cows, a clutch of laying hens, and a brace of ducks; with broiler chickens, a milk cow, and perhaps some geese to join them in the spring. Pigs and goats seem to crop up in conversation but... I will leave those conversations for now - they just might be content for an interesting column in the future.

I am not a gourmet chef nor am I a master gardener. However I love food – my husband says that when I say 'food' – I add an extra 'o' to draw it out for emphasis. F-o-o-o-d. I enjoy watching my garden flourish, preparing nourishing food for family and friends, and (with my husband) am an aspiring food producer – wanting to share our livestock with our family, friends and wider community. I also enjoy writing when I get to reflect, tell stories and share what I have learned – so I am putting those two (foood and writing) together for this column. So in the months ahead I will share stories and insights from my own experience of growing, harvesting, and enjoying the abundance of great food that we can (and do!) produce here in Alberta.

I look forward to getting to know more of you in the community, as I am a relative newcomer around here and I appreciate you giving me this space to share. Feel free to send in comments and thoughts, feedback is always welcome.

Equity vs. Equality; differences & discoveries

Some of you might know that I have been working on a project with Growing Food Security in Alberta - exploring what it would mean to have a sustainable, equitable, local, regenerative system for food.  This first phase has been about doing a lot of action-inquiry based research: talking to people around all parts of the food system and understanding their thoughts, experiences and ideas.

I recently wrote this blog post for the GFSA blog - reflecting on what we have learned about the E - equity:

Equity vs. Equality; differences & discoveries – SELRS Update

Reflection point: SELRS

Monday evening (8 August) we had our inaugural gathering of the SELRS (Sustainable Equitable Local Regional System for Food) gathering in Lacombe.   I am working with Rene Michalak as Community Activators for this project.  It's an excellent role and exciting opportunity to bring my previous work experience and current life path together.  

Below is a personal reflection of our first gathering, it is not meant to speak for anyone else's experience or opinions of the evening.

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I left Lacombe feeling so full, I was empty.  Enriched by the diversity of experience, passion, knowledge in the room - I could leave with a sense that we've the right people around us and I (with Rene) as one of the activators and facilitators will have the role of supporting momentum and not trying to create it (a much  more pleasurable job).  

I also left with some key words settling into my brain.  Alternatives; Choice; Collaboration; Infrastructure; Direction.

Thinking about what impact I see SELRS (as a project having) - it is alternatives and choice.  Alternatives for producers and eaters and those in between - that they have options about where they sell and access their food: alternatives that suit their needs, scale and health.  Which is tied to choice.  And I don't mean a choice in brands where the same stuff is on the inside of the box.  I mean information of the alternatives and options and freedom to choose between them, to take control and decision-making back into our own hands; to remove the dependency on single system food options that make people feel powerless over their food choices and business opportunities.

So - what do we need to create SELRS?

Listening to the group and reflecting on other experiences I've had - collaboration and infrastructure were the headlines I started to see.

Collaboration between producers; between producers and eaters; between eaters; and across all links of the food system.  We need to start with building relationships but we will need to move beyond knowing each other and passing along information or product.  We will need to no longer look at each other as competitors or as a pay check or as a supplier of goods - we will need to start to understand each other better; to acknowledge we have common goals and purpose and by working together, we can be stronger, more creative, more adaptable, more.

What is sorely lacking is the infrastructure to support the collaboration and the system that is built through it.  A healthy system flows and grows and changes through the exchange and responses between parts in the system.  Infrastructure will be needed to facilitate this.  

Another headline or pattern that I can't ignore is direction and red tape reduction from the government.  There is a sense that much of what we'll want to do will be made difficult by the walls of existing policies and regulations or the gaping holes of lack of support for them.  I am not sure, at this time, that this is something we can take direct action on or need to aim at directly.  My sense is that right now we need to focus on what we want to create and be aware of where the walls and holes are surrounding these and then deal with them as they arise.  Rather than trying to remove them or fill them before we have something concrete to offer up.  But that's just my sense right now and I know I am going to learn more about this from our group.

***********************

I jumped at the opportunity to be a part of this project because I saw it as the perfect opportunity to be part of building and strengthening a food system that I (literally and metaphorically) want to feed.  I am encouraged, inspired, enlightened, and lightened by the people and conversations that have come around us so far, and so early on.  I know if we keep asking ourselves "What's our next, best step?" and keep walking and learning and actions together - what emerges is going to be relevant, powerful, and necessary.

Ask me in 15 years

Just over a year ago I was starting out on my Master's thesis and was also in the final phase of my move home to Canada (the phase that involved moving back to Canada).  During this process I met some wonderful gardeners and farmers who have inspired me and impacted the choices I am making in terms of the kind of work I do and life I am living.  One of the patterns that kept coming up was the timeframe of 15 years.

At our Organic Gardening course at CAT (in Wales) when the instructor was showing us what he's done in his own backyard.  Looking at the photos and listening to the story, I thought it would have been a 3-4 year project (especially since they don't have the winters like we do).   I was floored when he said it had bee 15 years.

Back in Canada, I met with and learned beside a wonderful farmer, Don Ruzicka, who has become a dear friend and mentor.  Talking to Don and walking his land, you would think he's been farming like this since he began.  But it has been 'only' 15 years since they took their first Holistic Management course and began to restore the health of the land, their finances and their family through ecological agriculture.  

And neither of these gentlemen are done or complete.  They are still learning, experimenting, building and breaking down.  

So... back to me and to now - June 2011.  Being done my thesis for over 8 months, getting married in around 4, working on contracts related to rural community, food and agriculture as well as doing some writing for our local paper, planting gardens and learning about raising chickens, pigs, cows... people around me (family, friends - old and new, neighbours, strangers) still seem to be trying to 'place' me in a job or career that is easy to explain.

 "So, what do you do? What are planning to do? Do you want to be a farmer? Will you open a restaurant or local food shop?  Are you going to write more? I always knew you writer.  Are you still training and facilitating? You're going to be making sausages?"

These questions and statements are all asked with honest inquiry and no judgement.  I feel that they want to support and help but perhaps can't grasp the picture I am painting so don't know where to place their own brush on the canvas.

But the fact is - I don't know either.  I am painting as I go and living my way into whatever I will be or become.  It's worked pretty well thus far (33-15=18... I could have never planned all I have experienced since I was 18, especially not when I was 18).

So I am finding peace in the prospect of a horizon of 15 years.  When the plans we have for a house, a farm, a life seem overwhelming... I try to remember to smile at V. and remind us (me) that we have 15 years or more to let it happen.  I might like it to be up and together overnight but I would miss a lot if it did.

Thus - when asked about what I do or want to be doing, I am learning to smile and be okay with answering "Can I get back to you on that?  Maybe in about 15 years?"

Twitter-feed update

Whew! Where did April and May go?  We're into June and I guess the testament to my activity is that I haven't had time to sit and blog.   Something I want to change and need to build into my practice.  I thought I would use my 'tweets' from the last months as a way to play catch up:

30 Mar - Off to check out milk cows under a BLUE sky

2 Apr - Sitting down to write article on agroecology and missing my view over Schumacher College garden

12 Apr - wondering if others get to the point where they wish the words would jump from their brain to the paper without going through fingers

18 Apr - Back on the porch with a book and the sun... Oh how I missed this in the winter

21 Apr - PC candidate says election is about leadership & talks of "steady hand of Harper"... Oh that's what it's called.

21 Apr - PC candidate doesn't think questions from Sask. farmers valid bc they aren't in his consisutency. That's leadership...

21 Apr - PC candidate says this is "Kevin in haha"... doesn't make me laugh.

26 Apr - Currently reading 40 Gardening Tips to Maximize Your Harvest

27 Apr - Used to follow StanleyCup by wesbites and texts from friends.  Back in Canada and its still twitter that's my playoff source.

28 Apr - Chairs & tables all set & ready 4 Viking Sustainability Fair TOMORROW!

28 Apr - The first solar panel just arrived at the Viking Sustainability Fair

30 Apr - Viking Sustainability Fair comes a close.. Bring on the Power of the Land dinner and concert with the Dandylionesses!

30 Apr - Just saw the northern lights for the first since moving home, lovely end to a great weekend.

2 May - If you will take 10 minutes to go through the Tim Horton's drive-thru, why not take 10 minutes to go through democracy?

2 May - Planned the 'intown' garden (mom and dad's) and arrange seeds in order of earliest planting.

2 May - Getting ready to garden... Although some would argue that I've been gardening since March!

9 May - Been playing in the garden all day - with my shoes off and feet in the dirt!

10 May - planted (most) of my parents garden today and now dreaming of the first salad that comes out to go with our BBQ

11 May - Registration for the Alberta Permaculture Convergence is now open!

11 May - Just made my first batch of homemade mayo and now pondering the possibilities for innovation...

11 May - First ticket for the Alberta permaculture convergence paid for... And registration only started today!

13 May - Getting ready to plant potatoes and looking forward to seeing the gems these grow!

14 May - After a week of planting (gardens & trees) nice to have fresh greens & we didn't even plant them: nettles, lambs quarters, wild chive.

15 May - With 6200trees to plant, it's treeaplalooza around here.  Sitting in the calm shelter of trees in the middle of this wind, it's worth the effort.

18 May - Just heard that my Jerusalem artichoke order is on it's way! More planting to do!

18 May - I htink I can say mom & dad's garden is 'in.' Only potatoes 2 plant @ community plot & I'm on to V's place.

18 May - hello rain, welcome!

20 May - My Jimmy Nardello is blooming!

21 May - Another day, another garden to plant.

24 May - Favorite magazines these days? SmallFarmCanada and MotherEarthNews

30 May - seem to have motivation for anything BUT sitting inside and doing computer based work

31 May - trying alightheart's trick: going to start writing before I notice

31 May - Spent the morning interviewing a local rabbit farmer... So guess what I had for supper? :)

1 Jun - wicked answer to common question 'where to you live?' - 'in a prairie ecosystem'

6 Jun - Moments to remember forever: being the backyard with Mom as a flock of 10-15 waxwings land in our apple tree.

6 Jun - rhubarb chutney simmering and spruce-tip vodka infusing... time for a nice bath.

TODAY - All the plants have been moved outside and the shuffleboard is once again a shuffleboard... the basement looks so much bigger!

Reflection Point

The last few days (weeks) have been busy with the details, the logistics, the next steps in multiple projects that I am involved with.  It feels good to have created some space - mental and physical - and momentum in that realm.  Which gave me this morning to read (finish) a book that reconnected me back to the bigger picture of why these projects are important to me and the deeper work that is taking place.  (The book was Balance Point by Joseph Jenkins)

And then I checked in with my online streams and came across these short clips of Paul Hawken, someone who's writings and own journey has influenced mine.  The conclusion/message of the second clip was really important and powerful as I sit and hold the macro and micro of the life I am living.  The wicked question of "Am I Engaged?"  

Watch him, via TreeHugger, here.

77 million paintings... and as many new wholes

While up in Calgary before my flight out - V. and I stopped by the Glenbow Museum to take in Brian Eno's show, 77 Million Painting.  We walked into a darkened room and sat down facing a wall that looked like it had a kalidescope-type image installed and music created a long, pausing, soundscape.  As I sat and was pulled into the colours - I let go of seeing the changes and was immersed in the colour and sound and the whole 'scape.'  It would only be when I shook my head and looked, that I would see the drastic shift in colours and images that had happened.  Meditating on the experience, I journalled:

"Still points and process... When you pull self out of to a point in time you see the changes but when the flow is subtle and steady, changes of parts are not distinct until the whole is transformed.
Snapshot in time are distinctly different yet the process and flow make them a natural transformation.
The snapshots or pauses give us opportunity for sense making of the change taking place but it it is in the process they are taking place... In the living and not the planning.
I didn't plan to be doing anything I am involved in right now, I live my way into them.  Yet I do take pause to defragment, organise and fit it all in - to recognize the wew whole that has evolved to this point as I release into the process and open to coevolving further."

Hi. I'm Brenda and....

I've been thinking a bit about introductions.  Specifically how I choose to introduce myself - what details do I share and how do I put them forward.  I'm always interested and attentive to how people introduce themselves when a new group is forming or a round is done.  What details do they want us to know?  What do they think is important for me to identify them with?  and (if I have met them before or know them) What is new or different or constant in the way they put themselves forward.

When I left Singapore and moved to the UK for my masters programme - there was a lot I wanted to leave sit.  Not to forget it but to allow it to rest and to have time to see what was important to take forward with me and what I could let go of.  This meant that I didn't want to talk about my past a lot.  Not that I was ashamed of it or wouldn't open up with individuals or in the right moment.  It just didn't seem that important to me or wasn't the reason I was there.  My focus was on the present and on living into the next phase of my life.  My internal process was to integrate my past but to not dwell on it or be attached to it.  But I didn't realise that this was really manifesting itself in how I was introducing myself and meeting others until months into our course.  There were a couple times that fellow classmates were surprised when I shared something from my past that seemed to be a fact to me, something I guess I just assumed everyone knew because close friends at the school knew and it wasn't something I was hiding.

Again - coming home and meeting people, working in new circles - I have had to go through introductions and revealings.  It's been interesting to see what parts of my past have been so integrated that they are part of my story and also to see what new elements have been important to put forward.  The last months have been about coming home and reconnecting so my introduction usually explains that - to some extent.  Summarising parts of the journey that took me away from and back to rural Alberta, letting people know that I from here but also new to here.

Yet this past week when, again, I was sitting in circle with a new group of mates - I began to feel like maybe that was less of what I needed to state.  That perhaps I am home and not coming home.  That I am involved and connected enough now, that the shoots I am putting up are more relevant and revealing than the roots I have been putting down.  Both will continue to grow but perhaps the focus of the story is shifting.

And these musings are not about finding what is most interesting or relevant for others to know about me - but me observing me, my journey.  In the sensation and reflection on the words and ideas I use to introduce myself - I am seeing a shift in my own journey.  And seeing each introduction as an opportunity to invite others to share my journey for a short (or longer) while.

Transitions

I found myself writing out this email to a dear friend who has been through a similar transition, but a few years ago.  After writing it out - I thought I would share this 'out here' to see other peoples thoughts and experiences, if they have had them


An update is that I have been able to begin to work freelance and to create the kind of flexible, meaningful life here in Stettler that I am looking for.  I have a monthly contract with a nearby town to run their community sustainability awareness projects for the winter/spring and am also picking up some work at the local newspaper.  Am hoping to work with Waterlution as an Associate and also talking to Schumacher about going back to facilitate a course for them.  The summer should also be busy as V. and I are planning to plant a large garden and I have committed to working in it and also (if we get enough) taking things to the farmers market.  In between - I am also applying for some part-time roles like being an enumerator in the census which will bring some income, perhaps help me meet others but not take away from my other projects and ideas.

So it is as if - without much effort - after my thesis I have found myself living the life I have craved for a long time... or better: living into the life that I am wanting.

Yet, the last couple weeks have been interesting in terms of processing and living into the kind of life I am building here.

Now that the new year is here and I am picking up some work - it is like I am still adjusting to being self-employed.  Not a student, not employed by someone full-time, but not un-employed either as I do have contracts that are starting to bring in income and promising leads for the rest of the year.  It's like I wake up each morning - and sometimes throughout the day - amazed at the fact that I living close to the lifestyle, and living into the lifestyle, I had craved for so long.  One that is flexible and fluid with no major lines in my day and life between 'work' and 'life'.  I am working on projects (paid and volunteer) that are about creating healthier rural communities.  I have time to spend with my family and friends; cooking and knitting and other projects are not relegated to nights or weekends.  I am making less money but I also need less money to live this life.  But there is this odd sensation lingering - an uncertainty; something like anxiety about the instability or a guilt about not working hard enough or more hours.  I'm not letting it guide me in terms of seeking security or work in places that would take me away from doing what I really want to be doing and living... but it is there.  It helps that I have V to talk to about this and we support and encourage each other.  When I get the feeling - I just take a moment to reflect, to remind myself of what I am doing, of what's on the horizon and to be grateful for the adjustment because it means I am creating the lifestyle I desired.

I find myself wondering how other people have handled their transitions and journeys in building their practice and life.  What was hard (practically and emotionally and any other way) and what helped? 

What will I be when I grow up?

Yesterday I was pondering (again) the journey I have taken - going so far away (physically, emotionally, intellectually) to find myself here in small town Alberta wanting to make a life here.  It is weird and perfectly normal all in the same moment.  I got home to find this lovely poem in my inbox, written by Ben Hanbury - one of my MSc classmates and I asked him if I could share it.  Thank you Ben for finding words for what many of us likely feel:


What will I be when I grow up? - Ben Hanbury

After a lifetime of riding ocean swells, chasing storms, running from a little boy's pain of growing up, I find I am back where I started
In my bedroom

After a lifetime of questioning deeply, searching for meaning and going beyond. I find myself once again back at the beginning
Did I ever leave?

After a lifetime of searching for identity, belonging, a sense of worth
I find that these things come and go like the seasons

One moment I am a tree, roots planted firmly in the earth
The next I am a leaf blowing in the wind
When will I arrive?

I have no-thing to offer, but I have so much to give

I long for the certainty I once had
The devotion to the ocean

Everything has changed but something is the same

What is this new ocean of devotion?

Sometimes I am like a well, that will quench the thirst of those who come to drink. But for those who don't realise the nature of their thirst
I am invisible, a pale shadow of myself

When the Buddha knelt by the stream and let go of his bowl it floated upstream
This was a sign that awakening is possible

When I let go of my life sometimes it floats upstream into wholeness
Other times I get washed downstream and fall over a waterfall

I can find no refuge in the mundane world of the old paradigm
the world of becoming someone

I never want to become someone
I pray however to always be someone becoming

A Harvest of Plenty

On the 9th of October I once again found myself in the presence of inspiring food revolutionaries who are doing the bold thing of growing and eating good, healthy food that nurtures those that eat it as well as the ecosystems that it is produced in.  When I made my intent clear to move home to rural Alberta I was constantly met with doubtful looks and probing questions about how I would fit in.  The rural folk are not known to be as widely travelled or as liberal in thought as I guess most of people perceive me.  I kept assuring people that I was positive I would find some others 'like me' - it might just take some time and some openness on my part.  Well - it didn't take long (see the post from my first week home. ) and they aren't as rare as some would think.  


Last Saturday, the weekend of Thanksgiving which was perfect timing to celebrate and discuss ways of making access to good, healthy food a possibility for all, roughly 20 of us met on a farm near Castor to participate in one of the many Kitchen Table Talks that are being held across Canada, as part of the People's Food Policy.  I had been in touch with Kathleen - the host of the event - and was surprised and delighted when she asked me to facilitate with Eva.  I enjoyed being a part of the process and especially in being a part of the harvest of key experiences and ideas that are relevant to Canada's food policy.


As we introduced ourselves, stories began to unfold.  Men, whom on first glance one might paint as the typical redneck farmer, broke down as they talked about the concern they have for the children of the world and the responsibility they feel for providing families with nutritious food.  The women shared the pride they felt when they could look at the table of food in front of them and say "all of this was grown on my farm."  


It was a day of shared laughter and frustrations.  These were producers and consumers who are taking possible legal risks because they believe in the private right for a consumer to purchase food from a producer they trust without the heavy regulations (that ARE necessary in an industrialised food system) getting in the way.  And we were all people who loved to eat healthy food that tastes great, which is exactly how we ended the day.

They are my heroes, my inspiration, and my kind of people.  I can only hope to be a part of the next generation of these rural, food revolutionaries.

Signed, sealed and being delivered

It's taken me some time to put together this post.  After sending my thesis off to the printer - I needed a break from typing out words in any form of narrative other than short emails.  So here I am - a few days later - reflecting on how these days feel and acknowledging this milestone.  


On the 30th of September I mailed my thesis to the UK finishing my part in the journey that has been my MSc.  It was done with a sense of completion, satisfaction and readiness to move forward from here.  The text I have written feels inadequate because it does not contain or capture the richness of the experiences I have this summer, the inspiration I have been given by the people I have met, nor all of the ideas that are bubbling inside.  In that way - I expect it has been a success.  For me - my MSc and this thesis was a key step in my coming home and rooting into the topics and the places that I am passionate about.  I have taken that step and am ready for the steps that follow.  And in the last few days, it has been nice to know that I can go berry picking (rose hips, hawthorn and mountain ash) without the guilt of feeling that I should behind a book or computer screen.  

Title page of thesis:  Home Coming: An exercise in belonging by exploring ecological resilience and the farming communities of east-central Alberta

Word cloud from the complete text of my thesis

If you would like to take a look at the complete edition - you can download it here:  https://public.me.com/brendalynnschroeder

Almost there

In one week - next Thursday - I should be picking up my thesis from the printers and taking it over to mail off to the UK.  I am almost done: almost because there is still some editing to do, some areas I am not satisfied with, a title page and final bibliography to pull together.  Almost because until I mail it - it will never be done.  Almost because no matter how close or how far away the deadline was - it will never be done.  In fact I only now feel equipped to really begin.  It's a familiar feeling - one that I have had every time a project (big or small) ends.  I guess its a sign of being alive, being driven to learn, being ready for the next step.

The 'EPL' strategy to personal planning

First a disclaimer or note to readers:  I did read Eat, Pray, Love and am proud to say I did discover it before it became one of 'those books' that everyone has read and is everywhere and is now a movie... which I doubt I will see anytime soon.  Both because of my current location and because I am hesitant to.  This post refers to the book but please see beyond that if you are one of the people sick and tired of hearing about 'the book.'


It was almost two years ago when it felt like my entire life was under question.  I knew what I didn't want to be doing and who I didn't want to be doing it with but I was still figuring out what that meant in terms of where, what and with who I DID want to be.  My solution was to borrow a simple exercise from Elizabeth Gilbert in the now infamous book Eat, Pray, Love.  Early on in the book she talks about how she just kept asking herself what she really, really, really, really, really wanted to do.  (I may have got the number of 'really's' off here - I don't have the book on hand to provide references)  She kept asking this and kept listening to the responses.  She did dismiss responses nor did she jump on any immediately.  But she listened for the ones that 'stuck' and for the patterns that emerged in them.  I tried that and ended up spending my last months in Asia exploring places and experiences with people that truly made me and allowed me to laugh.  I ended up hopping over to the UK to take up the Masters that I had always wanted to do.  And I landed in Canada to begin a journey of coming home, really HOME.  Thinking that worked out pretty well...  and coming to another point where I see a blank sheet, foggy road, open field in front of me... I thought I would try it again.


So I am asking myself... what do I really, really, really, really, really want to be doing, today - and I am listening to the daily responses - the changes, the patterns and looking forward to how things emerge around that.


Yesterday - I wanted to be eating, cooking, sharing food that I've helped grow - enjoying the abundance of nature and live, friendship and family - over a kitchen table.


Today - I want to work with farmers and rural towns to build resilience and alternatives; I want to raise and cook food that gets talked about in magazines and books; I want to ride horse


What will tomorrow be, I am looking forward to find out...

Dealing with the doubters and dissenters

I'm grumpy, stormy, irritable.
It's PMS + rain falling + anxiety from being somewhere in the middle of my thesis and trying to figure my way out.


Today I intended to finish the first half and step nicely into the second.  I wanted to feel solid, complete about the first half but the hermeneutics of the process is that the first half feels inadequate but I can't see myself really bringing clarity or strength to it without going into the second half - discussing context and application of the ideas in the first half.


And last night - sitting on the back of a motorcycle as we drove through sun-drenched prairies - I was okay with that plan.  The doubters and dissenters inside my head were muted, if not quiet.


And then today I received an email from advisor.  It was a supportive email but it gave acknowledgement to those doubters and dissenters and made me have to have quite the conversation with them.


The tension is good in that it is the right for me to go: is this the right, next step? Where am I right now? And - How interesting that I am at this point!  It is to bring clarity and confidence about where I am, why and where I want to go and some sense of how all my thoughts fit in.


Which is good and healthy and part of the whole experience.  And I just needed to let myself be a bit grumpy and stormy while looking the tension in the face and use it going forward.


But - oh - how happy I will be when this thesis is complete and in the mail!

Beyond the next 12 months

During the organic gardening course at CAT I was struck by the time-scales that the projects were being run on.  The leaders shared with us their own experiments with composting, gardening and reclaiming materials and the idea of 6-12 months being 'short' and 'being impatient' amused me.  The last years of my life have been such that being able to think or plan beyond 12 months has been more of a joke than possibility, let alone do something that you expect to wait for 2, 5, 10 or more years for results from.


And I know that is what I have been craving - the stability and place to be based in order to flow with and change along with it.  To plant a seed knowing that it may be 1 year or longer before I see a flower or taste its fruit.  And in the last 3 months I have seen myself getting more comfortable with it.  Putting in horseradish that will take a year to establish before we can use it; seeing trees planted and thinking I may be around to see them grow; burying cherries in order to ferment and sprout the seeds - waiting until next spring to see which seeds are ready to be planted and then being ready to wait for their seedlings to emerge.   I have slowed down and settled in - the first week home I could barely wait until a seed took a few weeks to sprout, and now I am thinking of trees that will only bear fruit in 3-4 years time.  


Alberta's big horizons have always impressed me - maybe they are making an impression in me.

"You are Here"

I am over 1/4 done my thesis (close to 1/3) by the word count and I am inching closer to the end of part 1 (of 3) of my thesis.  Statistically that is pretty good - considering I have over 2 months left until it has to be posted.


And yet it feels like I am just getting close to the end of a very small bit of the thesis; it feels like I have yet to say anything new or analytical... the section left to write in part 1 is the most important as I now need to make the leap from ecological frameworks and understanding to looking at human/social systems... the grounding and the framework I need to establish in order to get to the application part of my thesis (climate change and farming communities in East Central Alberta)...  


I would liken the feeling I am having is like having hiked uphill on a path that many others have walked before - and then looking back and thinking, "I've only gotten THIS far and it has been THAT long?"  And then looking at all that is stretching in front of you and wondering if you have enough time and space to do it all.


Yet - I know that if I haven't and don't continue along the process I am in, the next sections won't contain the insight or depth I am looking for - that I am looking for not just for a thesis document to hand in but for the kind of work I want to be doing post-thesis.  


So I am turning off the word counter because I know if I keep on working at the pace I am, it is not going to be about having enough words:  I am going to have plenty to edit and piece together.  It is about the learning, the insights and the internalising of the ideas and that process (for me) is taking words from books, running them through my head and bringing them back out on paper.  


All this sounds pretty obvious because - why would I be doing it if it wasn't for the learning?  But trust me, after almost three months of reading, research and writing - one begins to wonder what you are doing it all for, what added value you are bringing through the time and effort, and if you are getting anywhere.  So it's good to remind yourself of the process as well as focussing on the part you are in.

An update and an excerpt

It's been almost a month since I have been home and a couple weeks since I posted here.  I guess the last days have fallen into a pretty decent routine of breakfast - reading/writing - some gardening or something outside - lunch - more reading/writing/gardening - dinner, cooking it sometimes - cards or knitting or some less 'brainy' stuff but maybe still related to my thesis.  Also - mix into that getting logistics to coming home sorted (almost all done) and the break in there when I go out to Vance's for a walk on the farm or he comes into town to catch up.

It's great in terms of getting to enjoy the summer and having time to think and work - although I am getting restless in terms of missing a bit more of an active/social life.  It is good to be able to balance the heady stuff with things like weeding the garden, picking raspberry leaves to dry, foraging along the pond for wild mint and yarrow...  we've had two ripe strawberries and more asparagus from the garden and just holding breathes to see what survives the rain and wind from the last 24 hours.  We've had over 10cm of rain since last night at 6pm - (18 hours) and it is still coming down.

I am off tomorrow to spend 4 days working on Sunrise Farms (mentioned in the earlier post) - I kind of wish the sunshine and heat was still around but guess I won't be too hot in my coveralls!

Will try to post more from there but in the mean time - thought to share this small paragraph from the introduction of my thesis.  I was writing about the approach I am taking and why.  This was the final, more personal point:

"A journey to become native to this place.  This place in time and space that humanity is within; this place in the ecosystems that we humans occupy; this place in Alberta, Canada - were I grew up but never really felt a part of until now.  Wes Jackson’s book “Becoming Native to This Place” gave me this underlying statement and understanding of what my journey has been about.  I have sought education and experiences to help me witness and understand the wider global context that my life sits within; I have held deep the question “how can we humans flourish, unapologetic-ally, on this earth?”; and I have felt pulled back to Canada, to Alberta and to the rural life I was raised in.  These questions and explorations are my journey to becoming native to this place and I believe that as I live my inquiry I am a part of all humanity re-placing ourselves."

We did make a trip out to the farm that I grew up on.  It was unplanned (at least from my part) and it was a bit overwhelming in terms of the memories that came back.  Just walking through the yard, a smell or the sight of a certain tree or spot near the barn... and a sweet, simple memory would be waiting for me.  I hope to make another trip out there before the place is sold.

Roots and Shoots

It's now been just over a week that I have been home and what a week it has been.  Am going to capture here some highlights:

Open Day at Sunrise Farm:  Last Thursday we went out to Sunrise Farm to join about 25 others in walking about the land and learning of the journey that Don and Marie Ruzicka have been on these last 15 years.  The conversations that happened through the day moved from co-planting trees to create shelter-belts and wildlife areas to how our economic system does or doesn't 'count' and on to our role (as farmers and as humans) in the broader ecosystem(s) we are apart of.  It was like being back at Schumacher.  What a wonderful gift - to find a philosophical home as I reconnect to my physical home.  

Old friends: was fortunate to be 'kidnapped' on Saturday by one of my dearest friends from high school.  Deanna picked me up and took me up to Edmonton to see one of her daughters dance in an Irish performance on Saturday night.  It was great to reconnect with Dee and to have some time to cuddle her kids - I do enjoy being Auntie Brenda.  I came back to Stettler with a bag full of wild mushrooms and some horseradish... probably not the usual thing a woman goes to the city for.

Gardening, composting and cooking:  am enjoying putting down roots - literally.  I have picked up some potted herbs for cooking, planting some seeds I picked in the Dartington Gardens before I left, and set down the horseradish roots from Edmonton.  And am now practising patience in hoping for the seeds and roots to produce.  

In the patience field:  I built a compost in the backyard and again - now the waiting game of decomposition begins.  I was pleased to find some very fat worms under it and take that as a sign that they are busy at work in the bottom layers of food scraps and cardboard.

And cooking:  those mushrooms have served us once alongside our garden asparagus and my basil plants to make a yummy pasta... and tomorrow the rest of them will feature at our BBQ.

Connecting ideas and getting back into the labyrinth of my thesis:  I just finished reading 'Web of Life' by Capra and have a good sense of my first chapters as well as the inquiry I am on...  and so will be taking more steps in that direction over the next days.

Speaking of labyrinth - was amazed to stumble across one in the park right by my parents place... but it needs some care by the park maintenance, you get half way in and then lose the path completely.  NOT the metaphor I need right now :)

And another good find:  a local, organic winery that is about 2 hours from here selling their wines at the farmer's market... tasting notes to follow soon ;)

Pictures can be viewed here.

Test flight

My bags are all packed and the room cleaned out - am ready to  begin the physical journey home (the mental and spiritual journey began a long time ago).  But it feels funny because I am not heading home just yet.  That flight is on the 12th June.  


Before then I will be in Romania for a wedding and then will meet up with a friend and we'll travel up to Ireland, take an organic gardening course at the Centre for Alternative Technology and then pop through Schumacher College for a few days.  THEN the real goodbyes will happen and I will be on a flight back to Calgary.