Stirred, not shaken

I'm all stirred up tonight.
By the conversations and reflections I've been having through my work - off the farm and on.
The reality I want so clear, so visible, sometimes almost tangible - yet it (more often than not) feels like dreamcastles built in the sky....
dreams many of us see and want but aren't sure how to get to, now
Yet we're all trying, sometimes together, and talking and doing what we can to live it... live our way into it.
And that makes it worthwhile and possible.

I find myself in one of those rare moments where no hope or fear exists.  I don't hope or put faith in succeeding... but I'm not afraid of what happens, then, if we 'fail' - - - It's like there is no succeed or fail.  There just is....  a doing, trying, being, moving forward and creating the path as we walk - - and then we'll see and touch what we create.

Reflection Point

The last few days (weeks) have been busy with the details, the logistics, the next steps in multiple projects that I am involved with.  It feels good to have created some space - mental and physical - and momentum in that realm.  Which gave me this morning to read (finish) a book that reconnected me back to the bigger picture of why these projects are important to me and the deeper work that is taking place.  (The book was Balance Point by Joseph Jenkins)

And then I checked in with my online streams and came across these short clips of Paul Hawken, someone who's writings and own journey has influenced mine.  The conclusion/message of the second clip was really important and powerful as I sit and hold the macro and micro of the life I am living.  The wicked question of "Am I Engaged?"  

Watch him, via TreeHugger, here.

Acknowledging hope and fear

I wrote this in response to an email I received a few days ago and thought to share it here:

Thanks for reminding me of previous meditations I have had on hope and for allowing me to reflect on where they sit for me today.

Years ago in a retreat we did individual meditation and then group exploration on the question "What am I without hope?"  

For some of us - we recognised that hopelessness also meant being fearless.  That when I found myself hoping, I could also look to the other side and see that there was something that I was fearing.  "I hope the roads will be good tomorrow." and "I am afraid the roads will be slippery." are two sides of the same coin.

In the years after this recognition - it doesn't mean that I have been able to become hopeless or fearless, but it does mean that I am able to check in with myself on where my energy is.  When I feel myself hoping or fearing - I look to the other to see what is there.  What am I afraid of?  Or What am I hoping for?  Being honest with myself, seeing that, and then letting it be a guide forward and not a barrier to action. (Our hopes can stand in the way of taking the next, best step just as much as our fears can.)

So it is not about working to be hopeless or fearless - but an acknowledging without attachment to.

And I find that helps me have cheer, be calm, and live into the future.

**********

In addition - I was reading some poetry this week and this was one small verse by a Slovenian poet, France Preseren:

In hope, in dread long did I dwell.

To hope and fear I said farewell.

My heart, now empty, hold no cheer:

It yearns again for hope and fear.